Esteemed members of the D’Academy,
We hope this newsletter finds you still basking in the
golden after-glow of The Academy Awards. Did you attend a party? Did you win your Oscar pool? Did you have
themed snacks and
spirited conversation? We did
all of those things at our Dynasty viewing party last night, so if you did them too we could have a
great conversation. But heck, even if you did different things, did nothing at all, or have great disdain for awards shows, we could have a lovely conversation, because sometimes the greatest conversations are not those between like-minded individuals, they are the conversations full or friction and wild energy. If you hate the Oscars, hate popcorn, and even *GASP* hate Dynasty Typewriter and are hate-reading our newsletter, we think of you not as an enemy, but as a potential meet-cute opportunity! Like
MC Scat Kat Dynasty (the ORIGINAL MC Skat Kat FYI) always said (RIP), “Opposites attract. But, it is the intention put into the pairing that will ultimately determine the long-term viability of the relationship. ” He was always a rascal like that!
Anyway, we’re coming off of a fun and varied week at Dynasty and looking forward to more of the same (“same” in this instance meaning same
cura
ted variation, not like, same-same) this week. Highlights of the last week include: an engrossing conversation on passion & finance from
ADAM DAVIDSON and
ADAM MCKAY, two non-ironic uses of singing bowls (
Go!Day and
Greg Barris’
Deep Healing), getting to know our THEATER LIGHTS more intimately and creating four amazing new lightscapes which were introduced to our audience at Saturday’s
Dynasty Tonight by
Clamzys (our seashell footlights) and
Ruggy (our rug.) If you can’t wrap your noggin around that then hunnney, you are reading the wrong newsletter! New lightscapes include:
Aquatown: Real Life, Underwater. Sedona Cave: Sunset. The Powder Room. And
Sadboy & Happyguy: A Lightstory. Last week, we wrote you as but humble theater proprietors. Today, we write you as
SEASONED LIGHTING DESIGNERS. What an EXPECTED thrill. There will be more. A LOT more.
Yesterday was a regular
ding-dang Dynasty Darling hang-out day at the theater and we’re still flarpin’ flying high from it! The
Go!Day G’Oscars were a huge success,
POPPY themself handing out Linnys (Lindt-awards) to some of our favorite folks. And then our friend and favorite
DAVE HOLMES came over and hosted our live stream party! We all grew as people for and as really came together as a
family during the
Eminem performance.
And now, let’s talk about this week!
TONIGHT we have
MARONZIO VANCE (Last Comic Standing, Lopez) at 8pm. He’s so charming. He’s so loveable! He’s so…
Maronzio.
TOMORROW NIGHT, we’ve got a
JUST ANNOUNCED return of
RUSSELL BRAND at 6pm. Grab your tickets and enjoy an intimate and engrossing performance with one of the quickest-thinking thinkers we’ve seen. At 8pm we’re so excited for the first (of many!) live
Dollop podcasts with hosts
DAVE ANTHONY and
GARETH REYNOLDS and their very special guest
KAREN KILGARIFF. We’d go on and on about how great it’s going to be and how you need to get tickets, but alas and hurray, it’s
SOLD OUT. Speaking of upcoming
sold out shows we don’t want to hype
too much and make you feel sad about, on
WEDNESDAY we’ve got
MARY BETH BARONE returning with
Drag His Ass with a top shelf lineup of ass-draggers including
BENITO SKINNER, SARAH SQUIRM, JARED GOLDSTEIN, ALI MACOFSKY and more and then on
THURSDAY SANDRA BERNHARD will be coming in! #iconstatus #legend.
FRIDAY is
Valentines Day and don’t worry last-minute lovers, galentines gaggles, lovely loners and beyond: there’s room, love and DynaPop! Enough to go around at
DYNASTYLAND! “You won’t be sorry when you soiree (with us)!” -
Jamie and Vanessa. We’ll have dancing, a cash bar, live comedy, a puzzle hideaway, photo opportunities and more. And by MORE we definitely mean
VanJam (us) reading your
tarot cards in our new
Enchanted Enclave!
SATURDAY night we’re celebrating the
2 year anniversary of
Let’s Go Atsuko! And we’re still in the honeymoon phase, honey! This very special edition of
ATSUKO OKATSUKA’s wonderful
woke Japanese gameshow will be featuring:
KULAP VILAYSACK! RHEA BUTCHER! JIMMY PARDO! NAOMI EKPERIGIN and more. So come on and let’s go!
SUNDAY: Maybe you’ve seen them on Youtube (millions have!). Maybe you saw them on
NBC’s Bring The Funny (where they were finalists!). DEFINITELY you can see them at Dynasty if you get tickets like, now! It’s the singing-comedy trio
KEITH HABERSBERGER, ALEX LEWIS, & HUGHIE STONE FISH)
LEWBERGER! We can’t help but notice that Hughie Stone Fish’s name seems to be left out of the LEWBERGER name mashup, but if the group is cool with it, so are we. Come see, hear, laugh, love. Then get the previous sentence printed in a vinyl script on a decal and place that decal somewhere helpful in your home. Look at that, we just became
SEASONED INTERIOR DESIGNERS. We’re exhausted.
Russell Stauffers Microwavable Chocolate Dinners,
VANJAM
stuff because there are a great deal of things that are still normal. In fact, take a moment to look around you and realize how okay and functional (or at least normally dysfunctional) things still are. <<Take a few deep breaths.>> You got this! We got this! We love you! We truly hope you are all safe, healthy, and making choices that allow you to feel secure while still enjoying your life. Here at the theater, we’re well aware of the intense vibrations of the time, and we’re taking extra care regarding all cleaning protocol (which, to be clear, has always been a very high priority here because we want aim to enchant, and enchantment needs to SPARKLE baby!) and also have created a NEW position (because sooooomeone has to bolster this economy!) entitled Grand Sanitizer, who walks the line in Safety Dress dispensing hand sanitizer to the audience before they enter the building. In short, we’re taking this very seriously but we remain committed to “the art of the experience.” (Also the title of an e-book we’re working on. The “e” is a triple threat in this case: it stands for “enchantment, experience, and electronic. PRETTY FLARPIN’ COOL, RIGHT?!)
(honestly, our #1 top favorite dreamform™). Adam Sandler lives up to his hype, and his performances were a reminder of why #Sandlergate happened in the first place; he’s so damn good at what he does that a person would rightfully be ENRAGED to miss an opportunity to see him. Sunday night ROB SCHNEIDER was a surprise guest to the delight of everyone. The show was amazing and chock full of new material and songs…. HOW DOES HE DO IT?!
Slice o’ Heav’n: Saturday’s Dynasty Tonight! was an epic pageant of talent and also a parade of our staff! Pizza was consumed! Headliners shone! Magic astounded! Our carpet had to be moved to accommodate the fake severing of a fake conjoined twin so the fake blood could really drip on the stage.
FORRESTER, painter/performer TAYLOR BOS and more! Potentially... WAY MORE. 
parking was doable. It was our first trip to this venue. It was cute and the bathrooms were CLEAN and “non-gendered” which is obviously wonderful, especially for Paul because he didn’t “blow it” by going into the wrong designation, something he’s done more than once at #thepantages because the doors are distracting there. New paragraph. We love Sandy but haven’t seen her live in a while, so we were overjoyed and our moods very "up" unlike when we go to see and “cover” more dramatic theater. We wore our flashiest blazers hoping the lady of the hour (Sandra Bernhard) would interact with us during the show, as we love when that happens and we, the audience, get to feel like we are also the talent. She did not, but she did wink at our section and said “I love you” in a general way that managed to feel intimate. That’s Sandy for you. Irreverent, INTELLIGENT, magnetic, appealing. Very New York. Very chic. We stayed for the meet and greet. We got a great photo (Mr B’s eyes look better closed anyway HA) She was so nice. Also fun, Mimi (Mariah Carrey) and Sandy have made peace. Anything is possible! As we always sign off on our column: ~LIVE, LOVE AND…LEAVE THE DRAMA ON THE STAGE =) SIGGY & PAUL 
#thepantages, but that’s part of the charm of this place: really funky people making strange choices. If it wasn’t something in someone’s nose, it was a nose on someone else’s something! I’m talking about the dancefloor of course, which was jam packed with partygoers (lovers and loners) shaking their #butts to popular contemporary tunes spun by DJ Dax. At one point my #butt knocked into the #butt of a man dressed as a giant bird! I hope the bathrooms are also non-SPECIED! Ha! That night I fell in love again: with theater, with Dynasty, with Siggy. My rock. Let’s just hope she never puts an EARRING in her NOSE! (Good for others but seems like it might get in the way when we’re smooching. YES, WE STILL SMOOCH which we’ll do on our rescheduled Valentine’s Day tradition of #steak.) ~LIVE, LOVE AND…LEAVE THE DRAMA ON THE STAGE;) SIGGY & PAUL
and against it. The weird extra R, the varying length, the housing of Valentine’s day which you either love or love to hate (or are ambivalent towards, but intensive #marketresearch has revealed that hyperbole is more fun in a newsletter than nuanced truths, and we paid a LOT for our market research team, so we listen!) February here at Dynasty is like the perfect box of truffles for our Darlings, curated by someone who really knows your impeccable taste and adorable complexities. See our monthly calendar below and get all twitterpated and goo-goo eyed.
with more eye contact.) Mark Normand delivered two amazing special tapings to two sold-out crowds, WorkJuice imrprov'ed so damn hard, Joe Machi was a delight, Russell Brand expanded our consciousnesses’ (again: watch out cocktail parties! again: we’ll still burp on command, but now with more presence), Everything’s Great was great n’ everything! Saturday we started February with a Dynasty Tonight that was a flarpin’ love-heart delight with a line-up of our favorite folks. Sunday took a break from being the Lord’s day and became SHAKIRA and J. LO’s day. Whatever virgin’s blood they’re drinking, pour us a DOUBLE honey! But perhaps last week’s most notable moment: while dancing to a vocalized slow version of 
down. It looks SO maternal until she slips a disc (skeletal, not frisbee!) and will be out of commission for even longer. They may or may not be writing this newsletter in a reclined position while riding a magic carpet woven by a prescription narcotic. Where will THIS journey take us, sweet darlings? Re: Magic carpets, can someone tell me why they remade Aladdin? Such a true and deep disappointment. Will Smith has many merits but should never be held up comedically in such close proximity to Robin Williams... it’s just not a good look. Will DOES look great by Jada though, superficially speaking. Their height difference is… exhilarating. But, make no mistake, though Jada be but little she is powerful! She’s making BIZZNASSS calls from her booster seat at the table (inside joke for all Table Talk fans!!!!) honey! (
entitlement at it’s finest. But please, GOOOO ONNNNNN
op her! The past week brought “seven days of joy boys” (the name of NamNaw Dynasty’s sexy week-at-a-glance calendar she kept under her pillow) and we loved it. We had so much fun getting to know some of Jon Glaser’s friends who made appearances at his shows! Friends such as: JON HAMM (we know!) TIM MEADOWS! (We know!) and… *cue music* THE MAN IN THE GREEN MASK (We have no idea.) We loved BOTH of Jon’s shows. They were silly d
ream drops from top to bottom. Bruce McCulloch’s show was a punch-line packed extravaganza with a beating heart that made us go “awww!” EARNESTLY. Sam Jay and Jak Knight were very, very cool on Friday (no surprises there!) and the Putterbaughs converted us all into Kitchen Women. (Fun Fact: Their audience gave our pre-recorded Dynapop/Lindt packed intro its biggest reaction yet! The numbers don't lie: weirdos love us most!) 
Randy Feltface’s new film, The Book of Randicus and were EVEN MORE INTENSELY WOOED by him. Just when you think you couldn’t fall any deeper in love with a purple puppet… you find out the purple puppet started his own religion. We were NOT impervious to the charms of Randy. Let it be known that Dynasty won’t buy your stuff, but MIGHT buy into your cult! JK! We’re our own cult, honey!! JK! We’re nobody’s cult! Jamie, Vanessa, put those candles and gemstones down NOW! On Sunday, the audience entered the showroom “life style” (through a giant vagina). Shelly Slocum put on another amazing and inspiring Fetal Position show, which included such stage-gasms as Michaela Watkins talkin’ eggs and a sexpert using our DYNAPOP olive oil dispenser to simulate a stimulation device on a vulva puppet. CLASSIC! (Also, sexier than the MLM sexy oils!)
