DYNASTY DARLING!™
“Batting 1.000” Tee
Some venues have ushers.
Some venues have security.
Some venues don’t identify as venues, because they understand they are more aptly categorized as transformative portals. Then they make a shirt with bats on it and tether it to a baseball metaphor that absolutely refuses to make sense.
This shirt honors all the batshit critters that make this portal possible.
Featuring a full back print of the official Dynasty Darling!™ bat squad in their natural habitat:
scanning tickets
distributing snacks
running tech
making magic
simply being darling

Front chest hit reads:
DYNASTY DARLING!

Back print reads:
“With Darlings Like These… Dynasty Is Batting 1.000!”

A shirt for staff, sweethearts, regulars, emotional support audience members, and anyone who has ever thought:

“Wow… these little freaks really care.”
Printed on a black tee
Soft yet strong enough to hold your torso gently

Your new favorite shirt has just slid down a flarpin’ rainbow and is ready to swoop over your noggin and gently puddle around your chest and back like a soft, wearable hug from a cartoon food item.

This garment boasts one (1) neck hole, two (2) arm holes, and one (1) grand lower portal for entering and exiting the shirt at will. You may sew any or all of these closed. 
Support Dynasty AND good taste by sporting this cartoon fever dream straight from the DynaPop! vaults. The TÁSTBÜDZ™ — Pretz Michaels, Mrs. Buttergutz, and Em C — are back and ready to escort your torso on a full-blown Flaventure.

Featuring bold retro colors and a rainbow highway, this shirt is perfect.

Flaventure awaits, darlings!

How Do You Top Your Pop?

Dynasty is thrilled to revive our decades-old worldwide (but mostly suuuper Eastern European) animated property, the beloved (if infamous) monster-fighting munchies known as the TÁSTBÜDZ!

This heroic tote features the original cartoon crew in all their crunchy glory, reunited around a bucket of DYNAPOP! and ready to wage war against the bland, the boring, and the beastly. It's all they know.

Use this chic, minimalist, high fashion, runway ready tote to to:

Haul your gear (socks, empty balloons, jerky, unlit candles, special stones)
Join the snack resistance (it's a political statement. The statement is that snacks should exist.)
Unlock your latent battle powers!!!!!!!!!

Crafted from 100% Unpoppable Cotton™, this bag is strong enough to carry your groceries and the weight of your destiny and empty balloons and your newly potent battle powers.

In closing: 

Reclaim the crunch.
Fight the flavorless.
And look chic doing it.

Taste is power. Pop is purpose. That’s the Dynasty Difference™.

Nothing says “Dynasty Darling” quite like this tee that literally says those words. It’s a Raglan 3/4 sleeve beauty, appropriate for work, play, personal burial style, and more. Pair it with a cocktail for the perfect cocktail attire. Pair it with a teflon umbrella to break through glass ceilings! Pair it with boots to kick the shit! Pair it with a buddy to be a coupla darlings. Designed and printed in LA with you in mind, Darling.

Finally a miniature ossuary you can feel GOOD about. These rat, mouse (and potentially shrew, vole, and mole) bones were ethically mined from owl pellets by two children who genuinely love to pick through owl pellets as a HOBBY, which means it is not child labor. They were assembled in house at Dynasty by adult humans, fueled by a neurodiverse hyperfocus that strikes at random. The perfect gift for the person who doesn’t have it.

These are very mini (less than 1” high!) and are picked and packed at random. Bones and moss colors will vary.

Say hello to our Shoppe’s most POLARIZING item yet. These are magnets, and they do that “classic magnet thang” of marrying funk and function. Mini masterpieces that will cling to your fridge the way your parents’ clung to their career hopes for you. A magnet strong enough to hold up a historic document, open-minded enough to display a child’s sweet but crude art, and optimistic enough to pin a workout plan you know you won’t commit to. These magnets are so good you don’t even NEED to give them anything to exhibit. They are the show. Plus they’ll watch you come to the fridge over and over and won’t say a damn thing, unlike your judgemental (housemate, wife, husband, partner, Vrbo Regulars etc…)

Magnet size is 3"

Magnet strength is strong enough

Stickers! Truly an innovation in the adhesive space. Art that you can put on anything (within reason, c‘mon, don’t make us talk down to you). Stickers can be anything, and so often they’re boring (looking at you price tags and Calvin peeing bumper stickers) but Dynasty stickers (styckers!?) are anything but. Innovative, colorful, strange and very, very sticky. Each sticker has a backstory that you may or may not be privy to. Someday it will all make sense. Or not! Basically, these are stickers.

This pack features our signature Rainbow Toilet, Sludgy, Don’t Shit on Me, and a Dynasty Darling heart (because you deserve it).

Stickers! Truly an innovation in the adhesive space. Art that you can put on anything (within reason, c‘mon, don’t make us talk down to you). Stickers can be anything, and so often they’re boring (looking at you price tags and Calvin peeing bumper stickers) but Dynasty stickers (styckers!?) are anything but. Innovative, colorful, strange and very, very sticky. Each sticker has a backstory that you may or may not be privy to. Someday it will all make sense. Or not! Basically, these are stickers.

This pack features Horsethrob, Rat Beloved, Dance Contest, and Shrivels. IYKYK.

Dynasty Typewriter is proud to be the only theater in the Western Hemisphere with an official plumbassador™, Sludgy. Sludgy the bear safeguards our historic building’s precious pipes and encourages proper bathroom etiquette in all situations. We’re THRILLED to offer Sludgy’s Shignature Shit Kit: basically a first aid-style kit for bathrooms and bathroom adjacent emergencies. This sleek box is loaded with paw-selected necessities to elevate your eliminations, including:
A beautifully designed brochure of Magnificent ShitLit for your reading pleasure.
Sludgy’s Shingature ASS-OFF hand sanitizer.
A tube of porta-wipes!
Travel-sized Poo-Pourri
A Sludgy sticker!
Incense matches!
A single prune!
Woodchips in case you need to bury your waste!
A poop bag… in case you need one.
With an estimated value of $10023 it’s a STEAL at $35!The perfect gift for anyone who ever has to eliminate waste from their body! Especially:
Dads!
Moms!
The blushing bride-to-be!
Flower girls!
Best men!
Rich people/ titans of industry who have too much shit and you can’t afford to buy them something they’d actually pick out, so instead you offer them this DISCOVERY!
Pedestrians!
Bicycle enthusiasts!
Bear lovers.
And MORE!
Who will YOU give your first Shit Kit to?

Ahh, we can ALL agree, there’s NOTHING like the classics. And this is our classic DT logo shirt that’s been around near as long as we have. It’s a beautiful, soft shirt that washes well and wears even better. Donning this darling t-shirt shows that you have great taste and even better shape.The triangle in our logo was SPECIFICALLY designed by scientists and aestheticians to attract Positive Torso Attention™. Now THAT’s a PTA meeting we’d love to attend! 

Send us photos of your new shirt in action for a special treat next time you come to Dynasty! And of course tag us in photos on your social media so we can see the people that support enchantment!

Please note: this design is 52% cotton, 48% polyester.