Our First Pandemic
Dearest Darlings-
Like so many other places, we have decided to close our doors for public shows until further notice.
But we will persevere!
AND SO WILL YOU! Please take care of yourself and your loved ones, make those difficult calls in the name of safety and health knowing that it’s truly for the good of humanity, and remember that at some point in the not-so-distant future we’ll all be looking around, hugging each other, and impressed that we were able to flarpin’ overcome.
As for us? As it is our foremost mission to entertain, enchant and inspire, we're actively looking for new ways to achieve those goals in a time where it is arguably needed more than ever. Oh, and also we’re gonna desperately try to STAY AFLOAT (given that we’re a business that, to this point, has been based on the gathering of humans).
If you’re a fan of what we do and would like to help us and are in a position to (please don’t stretch yourself!) we’d really, really appreciate your support. We want to weather this and we also truly want to keep making magical things for our amazing community because it’s our whole flarpin’ life’s purpose and that’s not even hyperbole. Oh, how we WISH our life’s purpose was running Amazon! Or being the worst president ever! Or that we were Mr. Paul Purell and Ms. Linda Lysol!
BUT WE’RE #DYNASTY ‘TIL WE #DY! (HOPEFULLY IN 80+ YEARS!)
Ways you can support Dynasty during this pandemic:
Get a ticket (as many as you wish!) to support Dynasty. This ticket will gain you first ACCESS to updates on li
ve streams, podcasts, and the other creative projects we’ll undertake as we navigate this shift. Your ticket purchase will help us survive this time and keep us ready for a quick rebound! You can look forward to these things starting to pop up as early as next week!Shop in our online souvenir shoppe! Get a Dynast-Tee or enamel pin to wear around the living room. Or grab a Dynasty gift card! We’ll open again at some point, and hey! You can use your gift card then!
Tune in! Watch as we spread our production company wings (without spreading germs!) and start… producing things! Your spirit, feedback, likes, and shares will let us know what to make more of (and what to put out of its misery.)
Be patient and calm. We’re all experiencing this for the first time. Let’s all make a DynastyBuddyPact™ to be kind and understanding.
Pop Your Own DynaPop (PYODP) Will it be the same? Plainly put: no. Will it still be corn? Sure. And that’s something.
More to come on new creative developments, but in the meantime be safe, be healthy, find joy, and be kind to one another.
VanJam
Dynasty Dygest: March 10th
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stuff because there are a great deal of things that are still normal. In fact, take a moment to look around you and realize how okay and functional (or at least normally dysfunctional) things still are. <<Take a few deep breaths.>> You got this! We got this! We love you! We truly hope you are all safe, healthy, and making choices that allow you to feel secure while still enjoying your life. Here at the theater, we’re well aware of the intense vibrations of the time, and we’re taking extra care regarding all cleaning protocol (which, to be clear, has always been a very high priority here because we want aim to enchant, and enchantment needs to SPARKLE baby!) and also have created a NEW position (because sooooomeone has to bolster this economy!) entitled Grand Sanitizer, who walks the line in Safety Dress dispensing hand sanitizer to the audience before they enter the building. In short, we’re taking this very seriously but we remain committed to “the art of the experience.” (Also the title of an e-book we’re working on. The “e” is a triple threat in this case: it stands for “enchantment, experience, and electronic. PRETTY FLARPIN’ COOL, RIGHT?!)
(honestly, our #1 top favorite dreamform™). Adam Sandler lives up to his hype, and his performances were a reminder of why #Sandlergate happened in the first place; he’s so damn good at what he does that a person would rightfully be ENRAGED to miss an opportunity to see him. Sunday night ROB SCHNEIDER was a surprise guest to the delight of everyone. The show was amazing and chock full of new material and songs…. HOW DOES HE DO IT?!
Dynasty Dygest: Feb 25th
Whitmer Thomas! Mary Beth Barone! Byron Bowers! and more!
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Slice o’ Heav’n: Saturday’s Dynasty Tonight! was an epic pageant of talent and also a parade of our staff! Pizza was consumed! Headliners shone! Magic astounded! Our carpet had to be moved to accommodate the fake severing of a fake conjoined twin so the fake blood could really drip on the stage.
FORRESTER, painter/performer TAYLOR BOS and more! Potentially... WAY MORE. 
Dynasty Dygest: Feb 18th
This week, we’ve got some fun things to share! You'll never believe number 9!
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parking was doable. It was our first trip to this venue. It was cute and the bathrooms were CLEAN and “non-gendered” which is obviously wonderful, especially for Paul because he didn’t “blow it” by going into the wrong designation, something he’s done more than once at #thepantages because the doors are distracting there. New paragraph. We love Sandy but haven’t seen her live in a while, so we were overjoyed and our moods very "up" unlike when we go to see and “cover” more dramatic theater. We wore our flashiest blazers hoping the lady of the hour (Sandra Bernhard) would interact with us during the show, as we love when that happens and we, the audience, get to feel like we are also the talent. She did not, but she did wink at our section and said “I love you” in a general way that managed to feel intimate. That’s Sandy for you. Irreverent, INTELLIGENT, magnetic, appealing. Very New York. Very chic. We stayed for the meet and greet. We got a great photo (Mr B’s eyes look better closed anyway HA) She was so nice. Also fun, Mimi (Mariah Carrey) and Sandy have made peace. Anything is possible! As we always sign off on our column: ~LIVE, LOVE AND…LEAVE THE DRAMA ON THE STAGE =) SIGGY & PAUL 
#thepantages, but that’s part of the charm of this place: really funky people making strange choices. If it wasn’t something in someone’s nose, it was a nose on someone else’s something! I’m talking about the dancefloor of course, which was jam packed with partygoers (lovers and loners) shaking their #butts to popular contemporary tunes spun by DJ Dax. At one point my #butt knocked into the #butt of a man dressed as a giant bird! I hope the bathrooms are also non-SPECIED! Ha! That night I fell in love again: with theater, with Dynasty, with Siggy. My rock. Let’s just hope she never puts an EARRING in her NOSE! (Good for others but seems like it might get in the way when we’re smooching. YES, WE STILL SMOOCH which we’ll do on our rescheduled Valentine’s Day tradition of #steak.) ~LIVE, LOVE AND…LEAVE THE DRAMA ON THE STAGE;) SIGGY & PAUL
Photo Recap: Dynastyland Valentine's
Valentine’s Dynastyland was a fluffy pink dream, full of bonkers delights!
Valentine’s Dynastyland was a fluffy pink dream, full of bonkers delights! 💕 DYNGO! Little shows in the Root Cellar Cabaret, Dancing, puzzling, puffing, and a whooooole lotta Tarot! Lovers and loners coexisting! Galentines grinding! Magic and merriment and all the good things. Thank you for being our sweethearts, darlings! 💋 📸: @justjash 🔥
Dynasty Dygest: Feb 10th
BRAND, BERNHARD, BARONE! + VALENTINES FOR LOVERS & LONERS!
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ted variation, not like, same-same) this week. Highlights of the last week include: an engrossing conversation on passion & finance from ADAM DAVIDSON and ADAM MCKAY, two non-ironic uses of singing bowls (Go!Day and Greg Barris’ Deep Healing), getting to know our THEATER LIGHTS more intimately and creating four amazing new lightscapes which were introduced to our audience at Saturday’s Dynasty Tonight by Clamzys (our seashell footlights) and Ruggy (our rug.) If you can’t wrap your noggin around that then hunnney, you are reading the wrong newsletter! New lightscapes include: Aquatown: Real Life, Underwater. Sedona Cave: Sunset. The Powder Room. And Sadboy & Happyguy: A Lightstory. Last week, we wrote you as but humble theater proprietors. Today, we write you as SEASONED LIGHTING DESIGNERS. What an EXPECTED thrill. There will be more. A LOT more.
Yesterday was a regular ding-dang Dynasty Darling hang-out day at the theater and we’re still flarpin’ flying high from it! The Go!Day G’Oscars were a huge success, POPPY themself handing out Linnys (Lindt-awards) to some of our favorite folks. And then our friend and favorite DAVE HOLMES came over and hosted our live stream party! We all grew as people for and as really came together as a family during the Eminem performance. 
Dynasty Dygest: Feb 3rd
PROOPS TONIGHT! ADAM MCKAY! OSCARS WATCH PARTY! GO! DAY! What color carpet do you like?
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and against it. The weird extra R, the varying length, the housing of Valentine’s day which you either love or love to hate (or are ambivalent towards, but intensive #marketresearch has revealed that hyperbole is more fun in a newsletter than nuanced truths, and we paid a LOT for our market research team, so we listen!) February here at Dynasty is like the perfect box of truffles for our Darlings, curated by someone who really knows your impeccable taste and adorable complexities. See our monthly calendar below and get all twitterpated and goo-goo eyed.
with more eye contact.) Mark Normand delivered two amazing special tapings to two sold-out crowds, WorkJuice imrprov'ed so damn hard, Joe Machi was a delight, Russell Brand expanded our consciousnesses’ (again: watch out cocktail parties! again: we’ll still burp on command, but now with more presence), Everything’s Great was great n’ everything! Saturday we started February with a Dynasty Tonight that was a flarpin’ love-heart delight with a line-up of our favorite folks. Sunday took a break from being the Lord’s day and became SHAKIRA and J. LO’s day. Whatever virgin’s blood they’re drinking, pour us a DOUBLE honey! But perhaps last week’s most notable moment: while dancing to a vocalized slow version of 
Dynasty Dygest: Jan 28th
ALLADIN TALK! GREG PROOPS! THE RETURN OF WORJKUICE! JOE MACHI! A LOT MORE!
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down. It looks SO maternal until she slips a disc (skeletal, not frisbee!) and will be out of commission for even longer. They may or may not be writing this newsletter in a reclined position while riding a magic carpet woven by a prescription narcotic. Where will THIS journey take us, sweet darlings? Re: Magic carpets, can someone tell me why they remade Aladdin? Such a true and deep disappointment. Will Smith has many merits but should never be held up comedically in such close proximity to Robin Williams... it’s just not a good look. Will DOES look great by Jada though, superficially speaking. Their height difference is… exhilarating. But, make no mistake, though Jada be but little she is powerful! She’s making BIZZNASSS calls from her booster seat at the table (inside joke for all Table Talk fans!!!!) honey! (
entitlement at it’s finest. But please, GOOOO ONNNNNN
Dynasty Dygest: Jan 21st
MRS. MAISEL'S ALEX BORSTEIN + WHO DROPPED THE HAM? BRAD PITT CELEBRATION! KAREN KILGARIFF!
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op her! The past week brought “seven days of joy boys” (the name of NamNaw Dynasty’s sexy week-at-a-glance calendar she kept under her pillow) and we loved it. We had so much fun getting to know some of Jon Glaser’s friends who made appearances at his shows! Friends such as: JON HAMM (we know!) TIM MEADOWS! (We know!) and… *cue music* THE MAN IN THE GREEN MASK (We have no idea.) We loved BOTH of Jon’s shows. They were silly d
ream drops from top to bottom. Bruce McCulloch’s show was a punch-line packed extravaganza with a beating heart that made us go “awww!” EARNESTLY. Sam Jay and Jak Knight were very, very cool on Friday (no surprises there!) and the Putterbaughs converted us all into Kitchen Women. (Fun Fact: Their audience gave our pre-recorded Dynapop/Lindt packed intro its biggest reaction yet! The numbers don't lie: weirdos love us most!) 
Randy Feltface’s new film, The Book of Randicus and were EVEN MORE INTENSELY WOOED by him. Just when you think you couldn’t fall any deeper in love with a purple puppet… you find out the purple puppet started his own religion. We were NOT impervious to the charms of Randy. Let it be known that Dynasty won’t buy your stuff, but MIGHT buy into your cult! JK! We’re our own cult, honey!! JK! We’re nobody’s cult! Jamie, Vanessa, put those candles and gemstones down NOW! On Sunday, the audience entered the showroom “life style” (through a giant vagina). Shelly Slocum put on another amazing and inspiring Fetal Position show, which included such stage-gasms as Michaela Watkins talkin’ eggs and a sexpert using our DYNAPOP olive oil dispenser to simulate a stimulation device on a vulva puppet. CLASSIC! (Also, sexier than the MLM sexy oils!)
